Diary of a Part Time Futurist "The Invisible Thread"

I try to strike a balance between light and shade with these pieces. Despite this, unfortunately, sometimes events overtake intent. Such as the horror of Grenville Tower and the the fallout of Manchester. I thought this week I’d find something more upbeat but fate has decreed yet again that personal circumstance points me back towards the downbeat. Or does it? After all, surely it is the human condition to find inspiration in adversity? 

The particular circumstance should be sketched out to give context but details would be inappropriate so I’m afraid this will be a little vague. We lost a friend a few years back after a long battle with cancer, a couple of weeks ago another friend, a few days ago a third and now we have just returned from what is in all probability our final visit to yet another. All rather grim and each new loss (or impending loss), of course, hurts. Nothing like the experience of our friends or their families, but you can never remain untouched. Nor would you wish to be. When tragedy strikes grief is a manifestation of the friendship, so the only chance to avoid it would be to strive for emotional insulation. I contend though that it need not be an entirely negative experience.

Where then to find the inspiration? In reality finding something directly affirmative to any degree is too great an ask, and even vague platitude is found wanting with regard to such things. However, if we look further we can use extreme experience as a tool to re-evaluate our personal views for the better. The reminder of morbidity through loss can be something that drags us down or it can be something that pushes us on to greater things. It offers up a thread that can be followed to something that truly is positive.

I need to point out that I have long felt that the desire of experts to pigeonhole people is misguided. One has to assume they know what they are on about but bar general statistical trends surely we are too subtle, too complex to be summed up in a few words of dry description? If we are a product of both biological disposition and experience then the combination of what goes into making us “us” is too varied to allow this? Therefore I can only look at how I use the thread that I have taken up and where it leads me. You may find parallels or you may not, this is an illustration not a blueprint – hopefully with an element of personal cathartic industry.

My friend who is currently suffering is about 10 years older than me, which brings him into the range of my being able to directly relate to him. A number of our attitudes are similar through being a product of our era and being at the same stage in life generally. We have established ourselves by the usual measures of wealth and status, both in private life and in our chosen professions. Being younger brings with it greater optimism and a sense of indestructibility, I imagine being older a greater sense of resignation and acceptance. All things are relative of course and it can never be easy. Being fortunate to have so far observed such things only from the outside, I don’t even know how you begin to cope. However this does make the experience more acute. It makes the thread a little stronger but, as I grasp it, it also cuts more keenly.

The start point is the reminder that our time is short and we may have little warning of when it will come to an end. From this comes an understanding of the need to seek out what really is important. For myself, I find that I am accumulating regrets: opportunities missed, chances not taken or shyness overcoming ambition. Hardly uncommon I know and verging on cliché but if I had to select a single important area it would be this. Following the thread I can see that the regrets arise from these failings working against a particular yearning for success. Success in areas where I know I have little chance, but where I have a need to try. The focus given by loss helps to guide me further still. Following the thread leads me to glimpse what lies deeper and reveals a driving need to add something positive to humanity and, most importantly, to be remembered for it. Essentially I desire cultural immortality. 

As the passing of others is considered our way of processing it encourages contemplation and we should look on this as their final precious gift to us. Albeit a gift neither willingly given nor easily received. The final thread that links us, should we wish to follow it, leads to an understanding of what defines ourselves. That understanding can then be used to bolster the resolve and commitment required to attain our goals and hopefully find fulfilment. To take that small and simple spark from the darkness and to use it to lift oneself is surely also the best way to honour those who have passed? After all, how better to remember a friend than to make the most of the time you have left? To hold them constantly in your heart as inspiration while you strive to make the most of what they have been denied?